Wake up....!

No need to wonder why some women are single. The answer is a simple one. Women have been brainwashed. Recent generations of women have been taught to take care of ourselves, provide for our children, to be “just as good or bad” as a man, independent, and to compete in the workforce with men. When in fact we should be being taught to be loyal, submissive (honor and respect, not dominance) and most importantly know your role as the woman in the relationship. I wonder if being taught all of the independence, we lose what the role and demeanor of a woman should be. Some women want to run shit, they want to be the head of the family, yet they still want the man to be manly. How can he be? How can a man feel manly, when some women throw in their man’s face how much they don’t need them? How they, the woman, can do everything by and for themselves. Simply put a real man cant. Keep in mind, a loser will revel in the thought of you “holding it down” –ALONE.

I am guilty of being brainwashed. I find that the teachings of the recent generations left me with a very strong personality, and this, along with my independence leaves me empty. In a dream I had, I was speaking to a woman who had been cheating with a married man, and while speaking with her, she mentioned her lover preferring to speak to her in place of his wife. When I asked why, her answer was as simple as “It’s how I speak to him.” At that very moment I awoke, and was unable to get back to sleep. I hung onto those words and began thinking just how important communication is within a relationship. I began to think of myself in the wife’s place, in the sense of how I may be speaking to the men I have dealt with. My strong personality and independence leads me to believe I can run shit, so in turn I lean towards dominating the relationship. I’m sorry ladies, but a REAL man will not allow it!

The Real Man: A real man who loves you will check this type woman, and feel assured that the negative manner, disrespectful behavior or tone in which she speaks or displays will not happen again. No one wants anyone who is weak, and I am not promoting scare tactics. A man wants a woman to be soft and angelic, and a woman, a man who is compassionate and sensitive, but weak, NO. However, there have to be rules in place in a relationship. Once again, know your role or better yet, play your position, or game over!

The Loser: A loser who is looking for the free ride OR the guy that just wants to be in your presence will not check your dominance or manner in which you speak to him. Why would he? He is comfortable in knowing his place and or role. He knows your bills will be paid, the food will be bought, the sex will be given in rations (he is satisfied with any amount you give him), and the children will be cared for. He knows that if he abides by your rules, stays out of your way, and be the “yes” man, all is good. He knows you complain to your girlfriends about how he is, and he could care less, because his eyes are on the prize – YOU. This is not the man you want in your life ladies.

So, how does one change who they’ve become? How do I suppress the very essence of who I have been brainwashed to be? How do I find the real man I am in search of? It’s a huge challenge for me, but one that I am dedicated to overcome. The driving force behind me wanting to change my dominating ways, is the fact that I want my next relationship to be my last love.

There is a very real and true statement that we need to incorporate in our everyday routine, and it goes: “You will always catch more bees with honey, than you will flies with crap…”

Talk to me....
DDW

I am PERFECT....!

I am content and satisfied with every flaw, as I know God created me with nothing but greatness in mind. My stretch marks are the result of birthing two beautiful children that are developing into strong young men. My nose is big because God intended for me to take in deep breathes and inhale the air He streams into my body. My breasts are sized in accordance to supply my children with just enough nourishment. There is no need to strive to be any more PERFECT than what I am; my soul is at peace, my heart is pure, I am in direct alignment with God’s plan…

If you had vision you would be able to look beneath my surface and see that I am precious, but I am not for every man to experience. My PERFECT body may not be for you. You may be in search of IMPERFECTION, to which I have no account. Your search for IMPERFECTION may be the disguise you wear to lift your low self esteem. You’re right! Pass me by; I want no part in uplifting you. So goodbye, I bid you farewell, as I watch you walk pass PERFECTION and not even know it.

I am at peace with who I am. Folk see what "they believe" are my flaws and wonder how I can be so confident. My bald head is held high, my posture is erect, my stride is that of a thoroughbred, and the grace and elegance of my style is effortless, I will not allow you to disturb my PERFECT peace, because PERFECT is who I AM….

Talk to me....
DDW

The Confusing Dating Game.....

Eight months have passed since I wrote my blog on being single, and nothing has changed. I have met and dated men, but none of them seemed ready to go the distance, want to commit, simply were not interested, or maybe the chemistry was non-existent. I’ve grown to dislike the, at times grueling process of dating. I am not interested in acquiring anymore male friends, as the two I have are more than enough. When I get this vibe, I am completely uninterested in even a friendship. I do enjoy dating when it seems there is a mutual enthusiasm and interest. Perhaps I am not clearly articulating my expectations, or if I am, it could be a little premature which scares them off??? The uncertainty is what confuses me the most. I have been on enough dates to know when the objective is no more than a conquest, and on those dates, my non-interest is immediately noticed.

I wonder why men send signals that seem to be from “outer space.” I’ve met many men who were attracted to me, who have been persistent in getting to know me. Men who send me flowers, cards, candy, perfume and text cute notes to let me know they were thinking of me. Men who take me out to lovely restaurants and say all the right things – everything seems to be moving in the right direction. Then, out of nowhere the enthusiasm changes, our communication and conversation seem to diminish, their interest wanes, and they disappear without a trace or a clue with no explanation.

I find this behavior immature, frustrating, confusing and ambiguous. I’ve asked some of my male friends to share their thoughts/points of view on this behavior. What they shared still left me puzzled, and wanting more insight. I don’t believe it has anything to do with my demographic area, my age, my standards, my looks, the so-called ratio of women to men, where I work, how much money I have or any other excuse you can think of to determine why I am single. We are individuals and we all have an agenda. Finding that individual with an agenda that’s similar to ours is the challenge.

I want to believe finding my soul mate is all about timing, Godspeed, fate and destiny. When your soul mate arrives it will be the two of you coming together at a precise moment in time that cannot be controlled, determined or foreseen. However, I do wonder if I should stand still, and allow fate to take its natural course – OR – if I should intervein and help fate along, by looking for the man that is to be my “soul mate”?

My ideal soul mate and I will be equally yoked, and have the same goals in life. Our lifestyles and values will be consistent with one another. We will instantly know that we belong together – there will be no mistake about that. Establishing our relationship will be effortless, and loving each other will be easy. There will be a sense of peace and harmony, respect and admiration, caring and trust. We will form a bond that cannot be broken, and God will bless this unity with unconditional love, faith in Him, prosperity, and compassion.

I will keep you updated on my progress, or lack there of.

Talk to me….
DDW

Imagine……a journey through time.

I’m imagining I am a “slave” in the late 1700’s early 1800’s in Virginia. I am there. I am amongst my people, clueless as to why I am in this forsaken country, this foreign land with foreign verbiage. Transported in a vessel to the other side of the world chained together with my brothers and sisters as if we were ainmals. Why were we snatched from our land, from our communities, from our culture? Was there no one who could farm your land, raise your children, cook your meals, and bore your unwanted children who I grew to love? My hands are callous, my back is weak, my arthritic hands and knees have had enough of the rigorous work you have ordered me to do. And in return you feed me the remains of animals you would not feed your dog, you give me rags to wear on my back, and sell my family members on the auction block to the highest bidder.

You are evil. You came to our land and snatched us, you came into our shacks and raped us, you whipped our strong men with the hopes that you would break them. You remedy us ignorant, you degrade and abuse us. However, we remain strong. We look to God to deliver us from this torture. You can not break me you people devoid of color, you have tried, but you can NOT break me!

I’m imagining I am a “nigger” in the 1960’s, in rural Alabama. I am there. I am amongst my people, clueless as to why I am still treated like less than a man. Why are we sprayed with water from hoses, ordered to sit on the back of the bus, and crosses burned in our front yard? I ask myself “Does my color and or presence scare you?” Are you now threatened by my freedom and what it is I could possibly do to you? What is it that makes you want to treat me unlike the man I am? I know. You think me beneath you. You call yourself a Christian, but are unaware, or refuse to believe that God has created man equal. I am free. I am no longer obligated to call you “massa” and agree with you “Yes sah boss.” I am my own man. I now receive pay for the rigorous work I do, although my wages are not equalled to the labor performed. I no longer have to show “freedom papers” as proof of my humanity.

I am afraid to walk the dark roads past a certain hour, fearful that I may be hung from a tree. I walk with my head down, afraid that if I look up, I would have broken some unwritten law. I know my place, although I am not happy with this condition. I pray the leaders of the Civil Rights movement are protected by the hand of God, and that someday Black folk will not have to live in fear. “We” are a strong people, you can not break me you members of a racist group of European decent, you have tried, but you can NOT break me!

I am an “African-American” today, in New York City. I am here. I live in a big city among many cultures and am thankful for the opportunities and possessions that I have. My ancestors did not die and suffer in vain. They died securing the freedom and privileges that we enjoy. No longer can you demean me to my face, spit on me, and rape our women with no recourse. I am human, and you have begun to treat me as such.

To the amazement of our ancestors, the leader of this country is of African decent. Barack Hussein Obama, all praise is due! I am happy, but I am NOT surprised. We are a strong, intelligent people. We were born to be great. We have endured much pain and suffering in our past, for this day to be before us. President Barack Obama along with all who value freedom are standing on the shoulders of our ancestors who suffered so that we, our children, and generations to come, will not have to experience the injustices that they gave their lives for.

Barack Obama is our payback without violence. He is the silent scream of our ancestors.

Talk to me…..
DDW

Negative thoughts are TOXIC.......

“There are all kinds of toxins that can build up in our minds. When we go around dwelling on the wrong thoughts, thinking about what we can’t do, how somebody hurt us, or how we’ll never get ahead, those thoughts are toxic. Toxic thoughts left alone become like toxic waste. It gets into your heart, and eventually, contaminates your whole life. It affects your self-image, your attitude, and your level of confidence. The Bible tells us that we have to guard our hearts and minds above all else because if your mind gets polluted, your whole life is going to be polluted.Make a decision to go on a fast from negative, self-defeating thoughts. Cleanse your mind from what is harmful and fill yourself with thoughts of faith and victory. As you do, those good thoughts will strengthen and empower you to live the good life God has planned for you!” – By Joel Osteen

The above is a very powerful statement. In my opinion we must first believe that a positive thought will produce positive results. I truly believe positive thinking can bring about a positive change in our lives, and improve our lives in most areas.I’m sure it will be a challenge at first to block these negative thoughts, of course!!! BUT once you put this pattern in place and get into the habit and realize what the power of positive thinking holds, you'll wonder why you hadn't done so sooner! As a negative thought attempts to enter your spirit…”will” it away and replace it with a positive thought.

I’ve learned that if I continue to hold grudges, be mad at ex’s, have regrets, etc., I could go through my whole life in a negative state of mind – I WONT claim that! I will not allow this thought to take over who I am aiming to be. Anyone who goes through their entire life in a negative state of mind does not realize it will take over their very soul and become who they are!


I would say the negative thought pattern in the above statement would automatically relate to “Self Esteem”. Self Esteem, or self improvement, is the measurement of one’s self worth or how important they believe they are. Do you agree with the relation? If so, let’s delve deeper:

How can we have the negative thoughts mentioned in the above statement and have “High” Self Esteem? We can’t, it’s impossible. Your Self Esteem begins as a child, with your parents showing you love, affection, telling you, you can do anything, giving you a sense of invincibility. If this is not instilled in us as children we grow with no sense of appreciation…am I making sense? As you grow you begin to believe the things your parents told you about yourself, and your confidence is increased…this is a healthy way of living.

All in all, a happy and healthy thought process will lead to many a fruitful life…

Talk to me….
DDW

I Remember.....

I’m sure we all have memories of not so long ago of better days. Below are just a few memories of my childhood…enjoy!

I remember Christmas as a child. This being the most magical holiday ever! Carolers would come to the courtyard of the building we lived in to sing Christmas Carols. My family and I would look out the window and enjoy the moment. The singing may not have been great, but the meaning and the moment were memorable. My sister and I could not wait for “The Grinch who Stole Christmas”, “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, and “The Year without a Santa Claus (“I’m Mr. Green Christmas, I’m Mr. Sun. I’m Mr. Heat Blister; I’m Mr. One hundred and One…”) to come on non-cable television. We would make every effort to have our homework completed, the dishes cleaned and our baths, by the time 8pm came so we could watch these shows every year. On Christmas morning we would wake up to all of our toys and games. There were three girls, so we shared quite a bit. My family did not have much, but on Christmas morning it seemed as though our entire living room was filled. Easy Bake Oven, Doll Houses, Baby Alive, Jenny Jones and Baby John, Mr. Potato Head, Slinky, The “Operation” Game…etc. Amazing!

I remember Easter Sunday as a child. I’m not sure if Easter can compare or if it even means the same for children of today as it meant when I was growing up, but I could not wait for Easter Sunday to arrive. We had two new sets of clothes to be excited about. We had the new Church clothes; you know those black shiny patent leather shoes, white tights, white hat with flowers surrounding the brim, white cape/ knit shawl, white gloves and a cute little girlie purse to match. We can’t forget the fresh press and curl our mother used to do in the kitchen with the straightening comb over the stove, with a dap of “Afro-Sheen Pressing Grease/Cream” on the back of her hand. We were clean!!! When we returned from that two hour sermon about “Jesus Christ our Savior”, we could not wait to put on our second set of clothes, the cool clothes…yeah baby! I don’t particularly remember the outfit I had, but I do remember my black marshmallow shoes with the little flower on the side. Now, anybody who knew about these shoes, knew the official ones had no flowers. Mine were not the official ones. My marshmallow bottom was a half inch of hard azz plastic. My sisters had the real marshmallow shoes – dag!

I remember Summer Time as a child. In the early 70’s (1972-1973), my family lived in an area of New York City known as the South Bronx, in a neighborhood of connecting tenement buildings. There was a Bodega on one corner, and a Laundromat on the other. Our neighborhood was live! I remember folk sitting on the stoop (stairs to those who don’t know what a stoop is) of our building, drinking soda, eating, or cornbraiding someone’s hair. I had to stay in the front of the building where my mother would be able to see me if she looked out the window. My sisters had the freedom to roam from one corner of the block to the next. That was the extent/perimeter of their hanging out, corner to corner. If my mother looked out that window and did not see us, she would be on her way downstairs to "wreak" havoc. There were girls playing double-Dutch, and hop scotch on the sidewalk. People would be playing jacks on the stoop, and hand games (i.e., Mizz Mary Mack, Mack, Mack. All dressed in black, black, black. with silver buttons, buttons…etc.). In the street there were young men playing basketball with the hoop being a plastic crate that had no bottom, posted on the utility pole of the block. There were also people playing “skelze” (sp?) in the street. Some may not be familiar with skelze, but it was a cool game back in the day. When it was extremely hot, someone would turn on the Johnny Pump. There was always someone who had the can and placed it at the opening of the pump to make the water go up in the air, and everywhere else. I used to love getting wet, it was great! When it was time to go upstairs my mother would yell out the window (ghetto, I know, but acceptable back then) for us to come upstairs. We would beg to stay outside and sometimes she let us, but when she didn’t, we would go upstairs and get on the fire escape and watch those who were still outside playing.

I have so many fond memories of my childhood. Life was good! My mother raised her three daughters to the best of her ability and I must say she did a pretty good job. At times she was strict. One of many of her sayings was “I am not your friend - I’m your mother and you will do as I say. When you become grown we can be friends, but not until then….” meaning her way was the law. I appreciate this saying, and understand it completely. I don’t raise my children as my mother raised us and I do not necessarily ascribe to her philosophy. My sons and I are very close, I am their friend to an extent and they completely understand that I am in charge. I tell them how lucky children are today and how good they have it. The contrast between growing up when I was a child and my children is remarkable. My children receive an allowance, and I did not. I think because of that, I know how to save, and I believe that some children these days are wasteful and take things for granted. My children have the latest fashions and electronics in excess, and as a child I was lucky to have one pair of sneakers. My son will have his own car before he graduates High School and I was lucky to have a bike! My sons and I go on two family vacations per year, and as a child I cannot recall us going on any vacations at all. My son can ask me for one hundred dollars with no problem and get it. I wouldn’t dream of asking my mom for that amount of money, more or less expect to get it if I did ask.

Times have changed dramatically. As we watch our children grow, and see the generational changes, we can remember with fondness how it used to be back in the day.

Talk to me…
DDW

"A SOULful Sunday Service....."

When I went to bed Saturday night, I was excited about going to Church Sunday morning. I don’t go as often as I should, but for some reason I felt an urgency to go that morning. I awoke earlier than I would for a workday, but was not rushed as I had arranged my clothing the night before. I turned on the radio to listen to some Gospel music before I took my shower, you know to get me in that spiritual mood. I left my home an hour early so I would get that “good” double parked space, close to the front of the church, I had my highest heels on, and didn’t want to walk too far…(smile)

I was early enough to get a seat in the Sanctuary of the Church, as I don’t like walking up all the stairs to the balcony. I am still excited, but also uncertain as to why I am so excited. For me, one of the many reasons I go to Church is hearing the Choir sing. The Choir sang “I Praise Him”, as well as a few other hymns, and as always, were heartfelt, and beautifully executed. When the Pastor came out and began the sermon I felt a sense of relief overcome me. I felt as if at that moment I was in a loving, family, community, where the focus was not what you look like, what you had on, what your financial status was, but what the Pastor was about to expound upon. My goodness, isn’t it amazing how the word of God can send chills through your body? When I left Church I felt a sense of joy, and happiness, like a brick had been lifted off of me, it was AMAZING! I understood at this time, why I was so excited.

I began to wonder while driving….Why some of us don’t frequent Church as we should? I’m no religious fanatic by no means, but I wonder why it is, many of the folk I know, don’t congregate as often as they should, as God says we should? What is so important on the day of the Sabbath, that we can’t go to Church to worship? We believe we have our reasons (“excuses”) why we don’t attend. My “excuse” was in the nicer weather, I wanted to Golf, and any other time the excuse was I needed to relax before the work week began. Some may say there are hypocrites in the church and why go to church to be in the presence of these hypocrites – I hear you! I used to say the same thing…”More hypocrites in the church than anywhere else.”, I would say, and here it is, I’m one of them. Now I say, why should I care what these folk do with their private lives, why am I basing my reason for not attending Church on these folk? I’m just as much a hypocrite and a sinner as these folks are, we ALL are. We have all sinned, so why not go to Church (among the hypocrites and sinners like ourselves) and ask for forgiveness? There has never been a Sunday I attended Church and regretted doing so – EVER! I go to ask God to forgive the sins I have committed, to praise His very being, to thank Him for all the blessings He has bestowed upon me, to ask God to bless my family, my friend(s), the ill, the hungry, the less fortunate, To thank Him for His son Jesus Christ. I go because it’s been ordered by God Himself.

What happened? As children we went to Church by no choice of our own. I would guess that as the years passed, we got older, our beliefs changed, and we did not think it absolutely necessary to attend Church. Most of us have always believed in God, we praise God in our homes by watching the evangelist on television, by reading a verse or two in the Bible, by blessing our food, and praying at night. I agree with all of these avenues of spirituality, BUT the Bible says to go to Church to congregate. I have decided to do what is right and just, to attend Church more often. However, I know that in doing so there are steps and an order that I will follow. I am not saying I will go every Sunday, but I will be present more often.

I attribute all areas of my life to God. Good or bad, there is a reason for anything and everything that happens to and for me. My faith and belief in religion and spirituality is strong, God has a plan for me, for all of us. In closing I leave you with some verses that I enjoy, I hope you enjoy them as well.

(PSALMS 8:1 O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet: all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!)

(MATTHEW 22:36 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied “'Love the Lord, your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment”)

To these, and to many scriptures, I say “Amen”. To God be the Glory….

Talk to me….
DDW